


Percy Jackson and The Shrieky Noodle Flute Boy

by shrieky_noodles



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, IDGAF, It Starts Off Kind Of Normal And It Really Went Weird, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is Seriously Bad, This Is The Most Cracky Crack Fic I Have Ever Written Or Read, WTF, Why Did I Write This?, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24188500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrieky_noodles/pseuds/shrieky_noodles
Summary: ... Read the tags
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	Percy Jackson and The Shrieky Noodle Flute Boy

Chapter One

Waking up in an arcade to a kid with huge glasses kicking his ribs was _not_ how Percy Jackson intended to start his day. It was his eighteenth birthday, and all he really wanted to do was eat some blue cake, spend time with his girlfriend, and get a few presents. He wasn’t sure he liked the replacement scenario either. The kid had small feet, but Percy was pretty sure he would have a few bruised ribs if he didn’t stand up and fight this strange child. Percy stood, wobbling slightly on his feet. The glasses boy (Percy observed the height of this child was colossal, since Percy was at 6 ft tall, this kid had to be at least 6 “3), let out a sigh of relief.

“Dude, I thought you were dead. Why are you napping in an arcade?” The kid spoke in a squeaky but deep-ish voice.

“You thought I was asleep… So you… Kicked me?” Percy’s voice sounded much higher than he was used to, and he could feel it crack at the end of the sentence. ‘Probably because I just woke up.’ he decided internally, ‘Not for any other reason.’

“Well, I’m not Kaspbrak. I don’t know how to check your pulse or whatever. But it worked, so you should be thanking me!”

“What the… Where even am I? And why are you so tall, kid?” Percy managed to get out, through his deep cloud of confusion.

“First of all, I’m pretty sure you’re like, my age, and you’re kinda short. Not as short as Eds, but still pretty short. I’m not really tall at all.”

That was it. Percy was utterly confused.

“I’m not your age! I’m seven- I’m actually eighteen now!” His voice still seemed pipsueaky. He glanced down at his hands and shrieked. He was looking at his thirteen-year-old body, or around that age.

“Ha, ha.” The boy said humorlessly, “And I’m fucking Eddie’s mom.”

“What…?” Percy was very disturbed by that comment, “Who’s Eddie? And… Cassrack?”

“Kaspbrak.” The kid corrected. If somehow, Percy was thirteen again, he needed a new name for his new acquaintance, who would be about his age then. He decided ‘Glasses’ fit pretty well. Glasses blushed while saying Kaspbrak and Percy got the distinct feeling that this kid liked whoever possessed the odd name.

“Eddie ‘Eds’ Kaspbrak. He’s one of my friends. And I wouldn’t sleep in here if I were you.” Percy gave him a once over; Slightly large front teeth, kind of curly longish dark brown hair, pale skin, and a rather strange fashion sense, Percy observed. A large yellow Hawaiian shirt over an off-white tee, and grass stained jeans with scuffs on the knees. His magnified eyes were dark brown too, and they seemed to hold a lot of trauma somehow, although now they sparkled with humor. He reminded Percy somewhat of Nico when he was younger, maybe like, if a pale Nico and Leo had a kid. Percy shuddered a bit at that though. Nico and Leo would probably either contrast perfectly (opposites attract, as they say), or Nice would brutally murder Leo after five minutes of being in the same room alone. Percy bet on the latter. He let his hyperactive mind wander on that for a moment, before snapping back into reality.

“Um… I’m Percy,” Percy said after a moment of uncomfortable silence, “And I have no clue why I’m here or what’s going on. Last time I checked, I was in new York city, and an eighteen year old. Now I have no clue where I am, and I think I just went through backwards puberty.” Percy was having a hard time getting used to his high voice.

“Nice ta meetcha Perrrrrcy, Rrrrrichie Tozierrrrr is the name, voices arrrrre the game.” Glasses-Richie Tozier apparently, rolled all of his R’s in some sort of strange pirate-esque accent.

“Um… Cool. Anyways, do you have a cellphone I can borrow? I need to call my girlfriend to let her know I’m okay…” Percy was sure he would have quite the time trying to explain to Annabeth why he was in some random arcade at age thirteen, when he didn’t have any explanation himself.

“A cell phone? Like something they have in a prison? Nope. And dude, you have a girlfriend? Why? You’re so… Scrawny.”

Coming from a kid who had about as much muscle as stick figure, and was just as gangly.

“Ha, ha. Thanks, but I’m serious, I really need a cellphone or something. She’ll be preparing a search party by now.”

“No clue what this ‘cell phone’ is, but there’s a phone box across the street from here, and I have a few quarters if you need them.”

A _phone box_? Percy hadn’t ever even _seen_ a phone box, apart from on ‘Doctor Who’, but how hard could it be? He searched his pockets for coins, but came up empty. Completely empty. Riptide was gone.

“Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!”

“Sensible guy like you, I don’t imagine you repeat synonyms for feces as a fun pastime, so what happened? Did you realize how hot I am all at once? I can be pretty overwhelming.” Percy was getting really crazy ‘Leo’ vibes from Richie, as he flexed his nonexistent muscles.

“No, shut up, I just- My swo-Pen, my pen is missing.”

“Okaaaay, that seems like a weird thing to get so worked up over?”

“It was a magic pen, okay? Geez, I need it to kill monsters!”

Richie shot him a confused and slightly concerned look. “Okay, well you’re obviously very… Disoriented,” He shoved a few quarters into Percy’s hand and backed up a bit, “So why don’t I show you where the phone is, and we can get your parents, or girlfriend, or whatever to come pick you up. Does that sound good?”

Percy just stared at him, openmouthed. “I’m not crazy!” He said indignantly, “I do need your help using the phone box though.”

“Okay, are you sure you’re not-” Richie was cut off by the door to the arcade swinging open. Richie paled and spun towards the door immediately. Six kids stood in the doorway, looking strangely majestic. Percy involuntarily shrunk slightly against the wall. A skinny kid with straight brown hair who was very clearly the leader of the group stepped forward.

“Are y-yuh-you giving T-Trashmouth trouble?” He stuttered out, in a probably fake deep voice, scowling boldly.

“No, he’s fine Big Bill, just really… Confused, I guess? He keeps saying stuff about how he doesn’t know where he is and that he needs a… What was it? Jail phone?”

“Cellphone. Do you seriously not know what a cellphone is?” Percy was getting very frustrated. “It’s 20-fricking-20.”

A girl with uneven wavy red hair who reminded him a bit of Rachel walked up to stand next to Richie and glanced at him, “Are you on acid? It’s 1989!”

Percy gaped at her for a second and shook his head, “This is serious.” He said, scowling. “I really need help. Last night when I went to bed, it was August 17th 2020 and I was about to turn eighteen. So, no, it isn’t 1989.”

A tall skinny boy with dark blondish brown noodle like hair leaned over to a short, friendly looking, chubby brown haired kid and whispered something. Percy could only make out a few words. ‘It’, and ‘nuthouse’.

“Hey! I’m telling the truth!” Percy said, losing his temper at all this confusing stuff. He noticed a glass of water in a room presumably only used by employees, and willed the water to… cubify. Percy thanked the gods in his head when it did. He floated it to the center of the group, between the door (with four of the kids still by it), and Richie. A small kid with big brown doe eyes and a fanny pack and red short-shorts, screamed and pointed. The only dark skinned kid in the group with kind looking dark eyes and the same physique as most of the Hephaestus kids corralled the chubby boy, the curly haired boy, and the fanny pack boy behind him protectively. The red haired girl gripped ‘Big Bill’s’ arm and looked terrified. ‘Big Bill’ grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall and brandished it towards Percy’s water cube like it would do something against it. Percy shifted his gaze toward Richie, who was paler than ever. Then Richie collapsed, and chaos ensued.

Fanny Pack was screaming at Richie and asking if he was dead, Noodle Hair was screaming about flutes and paintings, Red Head kept repeating “It’s back, It’s back, It must be back.” under her breath, and Big Bill was trying to stab the water by throwing the broom like a javelin and accidentally hitting Chubby in nose.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, everyone calm down! I was just trying to get you to stop talking to each other and help me! I really need to get back to New York, and you guys messing with me isn’t helping!”

The dark skinned kid raised an eyebrow in alarm. “You did that? Shit, guys, why is he pretending to be twelve?”

“I’m not pretending to be twelve; I’m not pretending to be anything! I’m just in my twelve-Thirteen-year-old body but I’m actually eighteen and I’m a demigod and I’m not supposed to be here, I’m supposed to be home, in my normal body, eating blue cake with my GIRLFRIEND!”

Everyone quieted down and stared at him. Fanny Pack dashed over to Richie and started shaking his shoulder, followed by Shrieky Noodle Flute Boy, and The Kid Who Got A Broom Yeeted Into His Face.

“Okay. First of all, what the fuck? And second, WHAT THE FUCK!”

“Oh, you can see through the mist too I guess. I didn’t even think about that.” Percy let the water drop.

It splashed near Richie’s unresponsive body and Fanny Pack screamed again. His friends all shot him an annoyed glanced.

“What? It could have all sorts of bacteria in it! We have no clue where this… Demi Dog or whatever got it from! It could have picked up all sorts of bacteria from the air!”

“Eddie… We literally _breathe_ the air.” Shrieky Noodle Flute Boy deadpanned.

Percy ignored the two and glanced down at Richie,

“Is he like… Dead or something?”

“Probably,” ~~Fanny Pack~~ Eddie said, picking up Richie’s wrist to check for a pulse, “Thanks to-” He was cut off by Richie jerking up and nearly cracking his head on Eddie’s.

“Pennywise? Water? What? Did something happen?”

Red Head put a hand on his shoulder, “Mister water hands said he would explain.”

“No I didn-”

Red Head sent Percy a glare that could rival Annabeth’s.

“Fine. Look. I’m a _Demigod,_ which means I have a god as a dad, and my name is Percy Jackson. Apparently I just time traveled, and I’m assuming teleported unless my New York apartment used to be a trashy arcade.”

“This is Derry, Maine.” The Kid Who Got A Broom Yeeted Into His Face said slowly, “And I’m pretty sure you’re either an immortal child eating clown, or an insane person.”

“I- I’m not even going to ask right now. And I’m not insane, but anyway, Poseidon is my dad, and I have water powers, and I really need to get home, and if this really is 1989, that is going to be a lot harder than I though. So… Yeah.”

Richie just stared.

“Um… Is Richie okay, or…?”

Big Bill smacked him playfully on the neck. “He’ll be fine.”

Richie’s head then rolled onto the floor and everyone screamed. “WHAT IN TARTARUS?” Percy screamed, watching in horror as Richie’s neck started to bleed maggots and Eddie started wheezing in panic.

“IT’S ACTUALLY BACK! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!” Dustin Henderson screamed, popping out of the wall.

~THEN RICHIE BECAME AN EMO BOI AND SCREAMED THE LYRICS TO ALL OF THE MCR SONGS AT THE SAME TIME WHEN HE RAN THROUGH THE DOOR AND THEN HE AND EDDIE (WHO BECAME A PASTEL BOI) GOT MARRIED AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE END~


End file.
